Eight Dates to Love
By Wendee Mason, MBA

Smart Dating is more complicated than looking for chemistry and having a good time. With a dating strategy, one can feel more comfortable on each date, and be in control. This power gives anyone the opportunity to determine who is right for them without getting caught up in the fantasyland of lust and hormones.

The Pre-Date

Your love destiny begins with the Pre-date. On this date you decide if the other person is worth your time and money. Guidelines include meeting less than two hours, in the daylight only. Dress classy but casual. The $5 budget may include a beverage or snack, but not a meal. It’s too hard to ask questions when your mouth is full of salad. Ask the hard-hitting, poignant questions to uncover the other person’s character traits. Only ask questions that will reveal who your partner is and where he or she going in life. Be sure to have these questions prepared and written down. The most important guideline is to always tell the truth, even if you know your date won’t like the answer. It’s better to know the truth now than 90 days from now.

The First Date - Casual Day Activity Date

Keep this date in the daylight hours. Activities could include a day at the zoo, Sea World, shopping, swap meet, lawn concert, picnic, paddle boats, tennis, roller blade at the beach, bike ride, or harbor cruise. You can add breakfast or lunch, but not dinner. Time limit 2-6 hours. You can go on many activity dates before going to the next level- date two.

The Second Date - Casual Dinner Date

This date should last 2-5 hours. Make this date an early casual dinner. An alternative would be happy hour with hors d’oeuvres, or an evening on a paddle boat that travels from hotel to hotel. Do something you both enjoy that will keep you away from each other’s homes so early intimacy will not be an issue.

The Third Date - Dressy Intimate Dinner & Dancing

The purpose of the third date is to ask very personal questions so each person becomes more vulnerable. This should be a dressy evening dinner. At the end of the dinner, take your date dancing. This will give you an idea of his or her rhythm and coordination. Go to a place that is intimate and classy.

The Fourth Date - The 14-Hour Date Ending With An Evening Double Date

The purpose of a 14-hour date is to see how well you wear on each other. Start with something athletic such as tennis or walking on the beach, then have breakfast. Go on a short day trip such as taking the train to San Juan Capistrano or east county San Diego and have lunch. In the afternoon, drive or take the train back and arrange for your date’s friends to meet you at dinner. Afterwards, the four of you can listen to a jazz band or go dancing together.

The Fifth Date - A Spiritual Adventure with A Double Date with Your Parents, Siblings or Best Friend

This is your chance to see if you and your date connect on a spiritual level. Invite your date to your church or synagogue or to a quiet, beautiful place to read a spiritual book. After spending an hour or two with your date, have brunch with your parents, siblings, or your best friend to get a second opinion about your date. After brunch, you could visit a museum, art gallery, or sport event without your entourage and see how your date appreciates the arts.

The Sixth Date -Sexual History and Values

It is now time to discuss your sexual history and values. Arrange to meet where you can be alone and talk intimately, but not at either one of your homes. Don’t let this conversation lead to sex. Hold off until at least date eight.

Date Seven A & B - The HIV Test, Results with Lunch

On the seventh date, get tested for HIV at a local clinic. Arrange to get the results a week later together. Afterwards, go to lunch and make arrangement for the eighth date.

The Eighth Date - A Double Massage and Dinner at Home

Cook something you can make in advance or buy something already prepared. Alternatively, you can go grocery shopping and cook the meal together. After dinner, you can continue asking probing questions with dessert, or while going for a walk. After the walk, give each other a massage. The type of massage will depend on how you want the date to end.

Conclusion

By now, you have asked your date hundreds of questions and should be able to determine if you want a long term, intimate monogamous relationship. Talk about the parameters of your relationship and what lovemaking will mean to both of you. If you feel that this person has no future with you, don’t get intimately involved. Having sex now will complicate the breakup process. You need to be free yourself to pursue someone who is compatible with you. Making a decision in eight dates will help you focus on the mission of compatibility, the most important ingredient of lasting love.