Biggest Mistakes Single's Make on the First Date
by Wendee Mason, MBA

1. You have the date in the dark.

Make all first dates in the daytime. This means it has to begin and end in the daylight hours. Why? Women feel safer in the daytime. If a man wants to increase his odds of getting a woman to accept his offer, he should make it as safe as possible for her.

2. You go to each other's home to pick up and drop off.

On the first date, never meet at one of your homes. Statically, only 50% of the first dates will turn into second dates. Then another 20% drop off for the second date and another 20% exits on the third date. Only 10% of the candidates are left for a fourth date. The other 90% do not need to know where you live.

3. You introduce them to your kids.

Why would anyone let a youngster choose their mate for them? That's what you'll end up doing if you invite your date over too early in the relationship. Kids have a funny way of expressing their insecurity and it usually comes out as a form of bad behavior when the date is over your home. Wait until your eighth date before you introduce your children to your new relationship. This way, they won't get too attached to your date if it doesn't work out after the first couple of months.

4. You make the date too long.

A first date is similar to a job interview. The purpose of the first date is to decide if you have similar character traits and interests.  If you do, great! Set up another date. If you don't have anything in common, you haven't obligated yourself to a long, drawn out dinner with someone whom you wish would disappear. Keep the first date between 30 minutes and two hours.

5. You spend too much money.

Men really resent paying large sums of money on first dates that don't pan out. Keep the date simple with a walk on the beach or the park, with a coffee, yogurt, or a soda afterward. The purpose of a date is not to deplete your savings account, but to find a compatible relationship. Once the couple makes a connection, then spring for the pricey dinner.

6. You tell each other your life story.

This is an easy trap to fall into. He tells his life story, she then has to tell hers. Before you know it, two hours is up and you know absolutely nothing of value to help decide to date again. If the date works out, you can give each other your personal history on a later date. For the first date, keep your conversation to topics related to the present and future. Who are you today? Where are you going? What are your dreams, goals, and aspirations? Don't answer "tell me about yourself," by starting from the time you were born. How boring!

7. You talk about your past relationship.

It seems like an innocent question, until you really analyze it. When someone asks you about your last relationship and why it didn't work out, what they're really asking is, "So what's wrong with you?"  Don't answer that question! You can't win and you'll never look good in their eyes no matter what you say. Smile and say you were with a wonderful person. If they want to know all the details, you'll be delighted to answer all inquiries after the fourth date. (If they last that long.)

 8. You ask the wrong questions.

Wrong questions are anything that will not give you information as to their character and interests. Ask questions that will uncover issues such as self-esteem, integrity, goals, and interests. A smart dater will come prepared with the top 20 questions they have to have answered to decide whether to date the person again. You may not get them all answered, but you will have a strategy that will take you far in making a good choice.

9. You confuse good looks with a good choice.

Society places too much emphasis on the packaging, when it's what's in the package that counts. Eighty percent of us are visual. We screen people out based on our pre-conceived ideas of what our mate should look like. This is not a solid dating strategy. Date everyone with whom you feel safe once. Give everyone a chance. After you've asked your twenty questions, then you can weed them out, but based on facts, not the wrapper.

10. You drink alcohol and end up saying and doing things you later regret.

Some people drink alcohol to alleviate stress associated with meeting someone new. Don't do it. It clouds your judgement and won't allow you to process important information. Everyone starts looking and sounding good if you drink enough. Keep your wits about you and you will make better choices.

11. You dress too seductively and then get offended when the man makes a move. 

Save playing "dress up" for the third or fourth dates. By the time a woman pays to get her hair, nails, and makeup perfected, purchased a new outfit, she may be out a couple a hundred dollars or more. Wear some classy casual clothes for a walk. After a couple of casual dates, perhaps with some athletic activities included, you can go out and dress up for a pleasant dinner. Men can interpret women's clothing as a sign of  how personal they can get with her. Keep your neck line reasonable and your short skirts for later.

12. You kiss too soon.

You kiss way too soon! If you want to be friends first, then act like friends. Hold off for a few dates. Maybe even a month or longer. If they don't ask you out for a date just because you wouldn't kiss him or her, this tells you something about their character and intentions. Doesn't it?

13. You get attached to the outcome.

Some people haven't dated a lot. When dates are scarce, we put too much emphasis on the one we're on. Then we start to act how we think the other person wants us to be, instead of who we really are. Be yourself and see what happens. You can't keep up an act for long.  Enjoy the process of finding out about who they are and concentrate on getting information to find out the things you have in common instead of worrying about the second date.

14. You can't say "no."

A person's inability to say no will prevent them from taking dating risks. "Thanks for the offer, but I think I'll pass," is an appropriate response. Don't give a reason if you have to make one up.

15. At the end of the date if it goes well, you fail to secure the next date.

Both sexes have trouble with this one. Every man should come prepared and anticipate another date. Be ready to ask for a second date that you have preplanned with all the details, and be ready to ask when the bill arrives on the first date. Tell her you enjoyed the date and you'd like to take her out again. Then tell her which event, on what date and time, and it will be your treat. The worst thing you can say is, "I'll call you." Every woman knows that means you won't.  The only appropriate response a woman can say to "I'll call you" is, "When? I want to be sure I'm home when you do."  If a woman wants to have the man ask her out, she needs to tell him, "Should you ask me out again, the answer would be yes!" That's all he needs to hear to take the risk out of asking. If he doesn't take her up on her offer right away, more than likely, he never will.