The Art of Love
by Wendee Mason, MBA

Finding and maintaining a relationship requires tremendous interpersonal skills and practice. No two people will react the same in situations, for each is coming from their individual experiences and perceptions. That is what makes dating so interesting and exciting! Getting skilled at interpersonal relationships can be very rewarding. The best reward is falling in love and being in an intimate committed relationship! There are essential ingredients in building and maintaining relationships. Following them will make your love-life easier and relationships more rewarding.

Let your communication come from the heart. Trust your instincts about what is right to say.

Have you ever gotten into trouble when you said what you were supposed to instead of what was in your heart?

You have an intuition and can feel vibrations about people and situations. Trust them. They are telling you something that you need to respond to. If you are feeling uncomfortable, act on that uncomfortable-ness. Vibrations and intuitions really do exist. Get in touch with where your instincts are. When the situation isn't going well, where do you feel it? Your stomach, your back, or your neck and shoulders? This is called your emotional body. You can physically feel emotions in your body. Every thought manifests a chemical reaction in your body. When you say, "I have a gut feeling," that is true. Your emotional body is telling you to be aware that something is happening.

Be calm and feel what your emotional body is telling you. Only when you tune into these feelings will you be able to know what the truth is for you, and then you will be able to express and respond to the situation at hand.

Always tell the truth, but use tact and timing.

The truth is sometimes hard to receive, and for some, it is hard to tell another person the truth. But there is no substitute for the truth. Even "white lies" will get you into trouble, which can cause painful problems later on. If you can't be completely honest about little things in the beginning of the relationship, chances are it will set up a pattern of deception for future lying with larger issues later in the relationship.

Be sure to say the truth with tact. This takes practice and work. Always consider how the other person is going to receive your message. Although you can say "I'm sorry" later on, the mental tapes of the hurt are hard to erase. Better to hold your tongue for a few seconds more and think it through than to regret what was said in the heat of the moment.

Confront, don't evade situations when they arise.

You shouldn't wait too long to express your feelings, especially uncomfortable feelings. Don't save up worries, concerns and grudges until you have a nice long list. Short lists are better received and they are easier to deliver. If you feel it, say it as soon as the timing is appropriate. For instance, if your date is late, and you act as if it doesn't matter when he or she arrives, how will this person know it's not OK with you to be late? Instead of being sarcastic or silently resentful, it is better to say, "I don't feel valued or important when you show up late and don't give me a call. I need you to call if you are going to be more than 10 minutes late."

Have you ever been in a situation where your dating partner reacted to you totally inappropriately and their response was out of proportion to the situation? The reason may have been they were reacting to built up and unexpressed grudges, not necessarily to your current situation.

The ability to confront another about a difficult situation will raise your self-esteem. The reward of gentle confrontation is feeling that you have control over your situation and your response.

When relating, use eye contact, smile and use humor.

Too many times people look at the floor, wall or glare out in space while speaking to another person. Using eye contact when conversing is important because it indicates you are listening to them, giving them your full attention, and it makes them feel important. When people won't look others in the eyes it shows they may be self-conscious, afraid, or perhaps hiding something.

A smile is free, use it! A smile is one way to determine a person's personality, demeanor, and disposition. A smile is particularly useful when in the middle of difficult dating situations. It can relieve some of the tension, will make the other person feel more comfortable, and can even lead to a laugh.

Humor will save you in very tight situations. Just when you think you're going to explode with tension and heaviness, try to see the ridiculousness in the situation and point it out to your partner. A good laugh could be just the thing you need to escape a difficult moment. Healthy couples laugh together, especially at themselves.

Be ready to say I'm sorry.

Stock up on I'm sorry cards and send them when needed. Apologizing in person, as well as in writing, helps to heal broken hearts and painful feelings. So many situations in relationships could be easily mended if either party broke down and apologized.

Know that some things are just out of your control.

Release control to the universe! Realize that you won't understand everything that is happening to you and the world around you. Just accept it. Do the best you can with the situation at hand, and then release it to your higher power to finish the rest.

We can drive ourselves crazy with control issues. Couples get into manipulation techniques when they try to make others change or behave differently. How can you change another's attitude and behavior, when most people don't even have the discipline to change simple things about themselves such as their diet and exercise habits. Others may respond positively when you change yourself for the better. When one person acts, the relationship takes on a new dimension, therefore the other partner will also have a different response.

Believe that you have complete destiny over you!

You can't control other people and situations, but you have control over how you will react to different situations. You are not a helpless victim! Some people don't realize their personal power and release the power they do possess and give.