How to Get Strong and Say So Long
Wendee
Mason
Ø Face the fact you made an initial error of selecting this partner based on incomplete information. If you knew then what you know now, you probably would not have made a second date.
Ø Resolve to learn from the relationship error and don’t repeat it.
Ø
Separate yourself quickly, swiftly, purposefully, and with
compassion
You realize that you are incompatible with your partner.
You realize that you have no sexual chemistry.
Infidelity.
You and your partner have grown in two different directions.
You or your partner has a fatal flaw and will not seek help or is
in denial about his/her/your problem, i.e., physical or mental abuse.
You or your partner refuses to work on the relationship and
refuses to seek counseling.
There is too much pain to handle, and the relationship is
unhealthy.
There is constant blame, criticism, control, pushiness, or
denigration.
Unresolved anger that causes constant fighting and detachment.
Life with this person is dangerous: guns, drugs, illegal acts,
physical or emotional abuse.
What
to Say to End a Relationship
Breakup
Conversation #1
“This
relationship is not working out for me. You have many wonderful qualities that
I admire. I have learned so much from you.
I have needs that are not getting met, and I can’t expect you to
change any more than I can change who I am.
I don’t see how we can resolve our differences, so I’ve decided to
end our relationship so we can be free to pursue others.
I want you to be happy, as I want to be happy. I don’t believe that
being together is in our best interest anymore. I only want the best for you
and I will always be here for you as a friend should you need me. But from now
on, I no longer have expectations of you, and I don’t feel obligated to
fulfill your expectations of me as a partner. I know this is hard for you, as
it is for me, but I need to be true to myself. I hope you will understand.”
“_____________(His/her
name), I'm feeling really uncomfortable about telling you this because I know
how sensitive you are, and the last thing I want to do is to hurt your
feelings. I need to express to you that I'm not in a proper space right now to
have (or continue) a romantic relationship with you. This has very little to
do with you, and everything to do with where I am in my life. I think you have
wonderful qualities, and I would not be doing you justice if I continued
dating you, for our relationship would prevent you from seeking another person
who is more emotionally available and more suitable than I am, someone who I
think you deserve. I believe that people are put into our lives for very
specific reasons, and I have learned a lot about myself through you, and I
want to thank you for that.
1. “This is not working out for me. If it is not working for me it can’t work for us.”
2. “I am no longer myself in this relationship. I need to end the relationship to reconnect with my authentic self.”
3. “I am no longer willing to walk on eggshells around you.”
4.
“I cannot pretend to be happy. I am not happy with our relationship. It
needs to end.”
5. “We are no longer healthy together as a partnership.”
6. “I am exiting this relationship to free us both to find more compatible partners.”
7.
“ Our behavior with each other is no longer acceptable to me.”
8. “ I no longer want to feel this way about myself. I am not being truthful about my needs. I need to be alone, not in a relationship with you.”
9. “I am unhappy. It is not your fault. It is my fault and I am going to leave this relationship and get happy.”
10.
“I cannot provide you with what it takes to make you happy. You
need to provide that.”
11.
“ I am no longer emotionally invested in this relationship. I need to
separate from you.”
12.
(You are the weakest link.) “Goodbye.”
