Chapter 3
Dating Etiquette

When meeting a woman for the first time, don’t extend your hand first for a hand shake. If she doesn’t extend her hand, nod your head and smile with your hands by your side.

A woman likes to be asked out directly. Don’t say, "What are you doing Friday night?" or "How’s your weekend shaping up?" She doesn’t know how to answer those questions. If she says she’s busy, chances are you may not ask her out. If she says she’s not busy, you may think she’s not very desirable.

Offer complete information when asking out a woman. For example, "Janice, I know of a quaint and delightful coffee shop downtown. I would like to meet you there Saturday morning at 10:00. We can get a cappuccino and take a walk on the beach for an hour. This will be my treat. We can meet at the coffee shop. Dress casually for our date. Would you like to join me?"

Remember to make an invitation exciting, intriguing, and non threatening. "Want coffee at Denny’s?" is not going to get you a date.

Make the first date in the day time, less than two hours, casual, and somewhat athletic, such as a walk. Meet at the location, don’t drink alcohol, and keep your distance.

If you ask for a first date in the dark, chances are great she will say no. Women want to feel safe. She will go to dinner with you if she has some daytime experiences first.

Go slowly. Don’t insist that you pick her up at her home. She probably doesn’t want you to know where she lives. Offer to meet her at the location, and tell her specifically where you will meet her; the parking lot, outside the front door, inside the front door, the reception area, or a reserved table.

When she arrives, greet her with a big smile and a two-part compliment. The first part is what attracts you to her; her dress, hair, skin, or her style. The second part is why the feature makes her look so wonderful, slim, radiant, young, or sensational. For example, "Wonderful dress, I love that color blue on you, it makes you look so radiant!" Women consider this kind of compliment much more sincere and meaningful. It’s more affective than saying, "Nice dress."

Always say please and thank you. A woman is impressed by manners. It shows you listened to your mother.

Open all doors for her, until you’re otherwise notified. Open the car door for her. In the winter time, close it as soon as she is seated. In the summer, leave it open for her. She will close it when you start the air conditioner. Don’t make her suffocate in 120 degree heat for a minute.

Don’t insist she unlock your car door from inside the car if she has to lean over in a tight skirt to do it. Men use this as a test for women, but it doesn’t make sense. You just opened her door because she is a women. She is not supposed to let you in. Use your car keys and open the door yourself.

Many women want you to open their car door to let her out. Tell her to wait right there until you can get the door for her. If she doesn’t want you to do this, she will tell you, but she’ll still be very impressed that you offered.

Wait for her to sit down before you start your meal, unless she insists you do so without her.

Be prepared on your first date with a list of questions. She will think you are thoughtful that you want to know so much about her. Ask about her interests, hobbies, travel, family, feelings, goals, and desires.

For additional meaningful and thought-provoking questions, order Wendee Mason’s Flash Cards of 87 DateSmart Questions.

Let her read or ask your questions on the cards. Offer to answer them first. After you answer each one, end with, "How about you?" That’s her cue to answer the same question. She’ll never feel interrogated if you answer first.

After the first four dates, order two copies of "Top Secrets to My Heart" by Wendee Mason. It contains 350 questions to know your date even better. Fill them out separately, or answer them together while on a date. In either case, write down the answers in the book, or record the answers on a tape recorder while you are together. You’ll have the tape for your lifetime. If you don’t record them, the answers will fade quickly.

Intellectual Foreplay by Eve Hogan is a book of fifteen hundred questions covering every imaginable topic. The more questions you ask, the more fascinating you appear. Of course, you have to answer the questions for her also.

If she is not interested in asking and answering questions, it probably means she doesn’t plan on the relationship going to the next level. She is telling you the exchange of information is not worth the effort. There is no future. Move on.

On the first date, don’t offer your life story. You will bore her and you’ll bore yourself. Don’t speak for more than two or three minutes before asking her a question she can answer.

If you see her eyes glaze over while you’re talking, or she starts looking around, finish your sentence and be quiet. Your time is up.

Never talk about other women, including former wives, girl friends, women at the office, or even your mother. She is the princess for the evening.

Never ask her what happened in the last relationship and why she broke up. If she wants to tell you, she will.

Don’t offer information about your last relationship even if she asks. Tell her you want to concentrate on finding out what you both have in common. Should you have a fourth date, you will be glad to answer any question about your past.

Concentrate on creating a list of what you both have in common, such as morals, values, hobbies, sports, work, goals, and future plans.

Actively listen without interrupting when she answers your questions. Look her in the eyes, not her body parts when she talks. Smile at her when she speaks with you. Nod your head when you agree. If you disagree, don’t fight her point. Say, "That’s a point I haven’t considered!"

If she starts to cry, don’t stare at her, hold her. Don’t tell her to stop crying. It could make her cry more. Let her know it is okay and, if appropriate, kiss her tears. She’ll feel your support and like you even more.

If she  cries, get her a box of tissues, not just one tissue. She’ll want to fix her makeup and blow her nose.

At dinner, pull out and offer her chair to be seated. If she leaves the table and returns, stand up to acknowledge her and help her with her chair. She will be very impressed by your gentlemanly manners.

When ordering a meal, discuss what she will have, and order for her. Order her meal first. Don’t forget to ask her the details; how she likes her meat prepared, what kind of salad dressing, baked potato or rice, and what kind of toppings on her potato.

Don’t speak with food in your mouth. She may never see you again because of your poor manners. Take smaller bites and talk between mouthfuls.

If you find out that she has finished her meal and you have barely touched yours because you have been doing all the talking, tell her, "I’ve been so selfish. I’ve been doing all the talking, and I hardly know anything about you." Then ask her a very long essay question so you have a chance to catch up on your meal.

If she has something in her teeth, tell her immediately. You can say, "I just noticed that you have some food between your teeth right here." Point on your own teeth to demonstrate where the food is. If you wait to tell her, hoping it will dislodge itself, (it never does) or never tell her because you are embarrassed, you are doing her a disservice. When she finally looks in the mirror, she will know that you have been looking at that green thing for hours and she’ll die a thousand deaths. She may never see you again because you didn’t have the guts to mention it. No back bone, no next date.

The same goes for lipstick on the teeth or face. Women want to know when their teeth are red. Tell her immediately.

Most women won’t order dessert because they are always conscious about their figure. But they secretly want dessert. Ask which dessert is her favorite, and order one to split with an extra fork. Most women would love you for it. If she doesn’t want any when it arrives, don’t push her.

When the check arrives, quickly touch it and move it toward you. This signals that you will take care of it, and will not be asking her for money. If she asks if she can help with the tip, the answer is NO! You asked her out. You pay for everything.

If valet parking is involved, and she brought her own car, give her a couple of dollars to pay a tip to the valet.

Before the end of the date, secure the next date. Women like to know if you want to go out with them again. They don’t want to wait three days or a week for you to decide to call (or not call). Have a plan before you ask her for the first date. Know where you want to go, the day of the week, the time, and how to dress. Don’t forget to say "My treat." For example, "Kathy, this has been a wonderful date for me. Did you enjoy yourself?" See how she responds. If it is positive, say, "I would be honored if you would go with me next week to the play at the theater downtown. We can get some Italian food at Fio’s before the play at 5:30, and then drive to the theater. The evening will be semiformal. I can pick you up, or I can meet you at the restaurant; whatever is more comfortable for you. By the way, this will be my treat."

When walking with a woman, offer your arm. It’s very romantic. This is a nice alternative to holding hands, especially if your palms get sweaty.

Make sure she leaves the parking lot first. If she has car trouble, you are there to help.

When she arrives home that evening, give her a quick call to make sure she made the trip home safely. She will appreciate your thoughtfulness.

If she is not home yet, leave a nice message on the answer machine. Tell her you had a wonderful time, and that you hope she arrived home safely.

Call her in the morning if you didn’t reach her the evening before. What if she never got home? You need to know she is okay.