MEET MARKETING

Sales course for singles tries to put students on top of the dating game

FEATURES Meet Marketing Wendee Mason's school for dating tries to teach singles how to say the right things and make themselves more glamorous and more desirable.

SANDY HUFFAKER Wendee Mason suggests asking dates to write poems to determine "creativity, flexibility and willingness to please you."

First step toward love should be a small one When it comes to a first date, dinner and a movie is a bad idea, said Wendee Mason, who teaches a nine-week course on dating. A first date should be short (no more than two hours) and during the daylight hours. Here are some of the biggest first-date mistakes and how to avoid them. MISTAKE 1. Have the date in the dark. Nighttime first dates invite "premature intimacy," Mason says. Not only that, it's hard to tell what someone really looks like in candlelight or moonlight. Having a date in the sunlight will give you a much clearer picture. MISTAKE 2. Allowing a first date to be longer than two hours. The first meeting should last between a half-hour and two hours, long enough to get a sense of a person's character and value but not too long to get emotionally or physically involved too soon. MISTAKE 3. Spend too much money. Mason recommends spending no more than $5 on a first date. Instead of going out to dinner, take a walk and end the date with coffee or frozen yogurt. MISTAKE 4. Drink alcohol. It's that darned "premature intimacy" again. MISTAKE 5. Talk too much. "The most dangerous question anyone can ask on a first date is 'So tell me about yourself,'" Mason says. Wait to ask or reveal anything about your past ... even something as simple as where you grew up or went to school ... until date No. 2. And wait until after the fourth date to discuss past relationships. For more information, visit http://www.datesmartsingles.com -- Jennifer Hanrahan

By Jenifer Hanrahan
UNION-TRIBUNE STAFF WRITER  
April 25, 2002

Wendee Mason passed judgment quickly on the 12 men and women standing uncomfortably on a small stage.

Susan, a tall blonde in her mid-30s wearing a black sweater set, desperately needed makeup and accessories to attract a man.

George, a 40-something in tinted glasses and a plaid flannel jacket, should drop the lumberjack look to get a date.

And all the women with short hair better grow it long. Men like it that way.

"Eighty percent of people will make a snap decision about you and never even give you a chance," Mason said. "So let's get your exteriors in order."

Mason, a 47-year-old former real estate agent, bills herself as the head teacher at America's only school for dating. Her course, DateSmartSingles, includes nine weeks of lectures on courtship and romance, field trips to singles bars and homework.

Among the assignments: Go on at least one date with each member of the class and read a list of titles that includes "How to Be Irresistible to the Opposite Sex," "Intellectual Foreplay" and "You CAN Hurry Love."

Be warned: Mason's class isn't for the insecure. During the first meeting, every class member takes a turn standing up while their classmates write an anonymous analysis of their appearance.

Mason makes no excuses for her brashness. Dating is serious business. The stakes are high and the competition fierce. "This is a sales course for singles," said Mason, who has an MBA from Cal State Fullerton. "I teach you how to say the right things, how to make yourself more glamorous and more desirable. I teach you how to get sold."

Looking for love Mason decided she had what it takes to teach singles how to find love after her own marriage disintegrated.

When she got married at age 33, Mason said she had a thriving career selling real estate. But she was so busy showing houses and taking calls at all hours that her husband felt neglected.

In an effort to save the marriage, Mason stopped working and the couple moved from Carlsbad to Hawaii. They hoped living in "paradise" would make them happier. "My husband wanted a woman who was totally focused on him," Mason said. "What he didn't bargain on is I would get really depressed."

They separated and Mason started cleaning houses while she figured out what to do next.

She thought about her skills. Her parents had taught the Dale Carnegie Course. Mason inherited their comfort speaking in front of a crowd. She had sold everything from children's clothes to pharmaceuticals.

And she has a lot of experience with men. She's been engaged nine times and received 15 marriage proposals – two this year. Since she started dating at age 17, she estimated she has endured more than a thousand dates – many of them horrible.

There was the guy who always arrived at her house sweaty. She soon found out he rode his bike because he didn't have a car – or a place to live.

There was the handsome dentist who waited until they were at dinner to mention he had a wife and kids. There was the burly bus driver who walked into her living room, asked for a phone book, tore it in half to exhibit his strength and then tried to attack her.

Mason developed a course on dating – how to get them and how to act when you're on them – and began teaching it to her neighbors for free.

"If people knew how to date right, there wouldn't be divorce," said Mason, who is currently in a serious relationship. "People go on the worst first dates, but they get emotionally and sexually involved, and then they can't get out."

Seven years ago, she moved back to Carlsbad. She now charges $599 for eight weeks of classes plus a mandatory introductory session. (The fee is $499 if you sign up at the intro.)

Mason also teaches a sales seminar called SellSmart, a public-speaking seminar called TalkSmart and a confidence-building seminar called LifeSmart.

For an extra $59, dating school graduates can sign up for an optional class on the art of seduction. The seven-hour session includes dinner, instruction in massage techniques and discussions on how to please a partner.

Class work
On a recent Sunday evening, 32 men and women ranging in age from 28 to 65 met at the Masonic Temple in Cardiff for their four-hour weekly session.

Malia Flood, a mother of two in her late 30s, was taking the class for the second time. She signed up after a several-month relationship with a good-looking, professional man fizzled. Even though they seemed to click, she never really got to know him and the relationship never moved beyond ultra-casual. "I'm looking for a serious relationship," said Flood, who has a Ph.D. in psychology. "I didn't want to do the casual dating thing or spend a couple of years in a relationship before finding out it's the wrong person."

Valerie Almaguer, a 40-something home health worker, said her job made it difficult to meet people. The best lesson she's learned so far? To say to a man she's interested in: "If you ask me out for coffee, the answer will be yes." That way, Almaguer figures, the man still does the asking, but she can make it easier on him.

Mason delivers her seminar with the zeal of an infomercial actor – in fact, during one recent class, she was filming her own infomercial on her method. She's zany and sometimes raunchy, often leaving the class roaring with laughter.

During one of the first lessons, students work on writing "personal cards" – similar in size to a business card, only it includes a false last name for safety reasons, a small photograph, a list of passions and interests (sunset strolls, cats, traveling) and a saying that sums up your attitude toward life.

Among the sayings class members came up with: "I'm going places . . . Would you like to join me?", "Let My Smile Reflect Yours" and "Life is a game . . . want to play?"

"This will either repel or attract, so I want you to take it as seriously as you would your résumé," Mason said.

After three weeks of class, students go on their first field trip, or "hunting expedition." As a class, students descend on a singles event and put into practice the techniques they learned at school.

Joe Momber, one of Mason's "graduate assistants," will be on hand to encourage students to approach people who look eligible, to start a conversation and maybe give them their personal card.

Momber, a 47-year-old who sells advertising, said the class helped him discover what he believes is absolutely essential in a mate.

Momber wants a woman who is ambitious, responsible, physically fit, who doesn't drink, smoke or do drugs and who wants to work together to start a business. "I used to have a vague idea of what I wanted, but in this class was the first time someone articulated it," Momber said.

Taking the class, of course, is no guarantee you'll find it. Momber has taken the class four times, and he's still looking.

© Copyright 2002 Union-Tribune Publishing Co